Today, is International Women’s Day, a time for us to honour those who came before us, those who are here with us today and those who will follow. Well – actually, this shouldn’t be a once-a-year thing. The women who came before, those who are present today and those who are yet to be, deserve to be acknowledged, recognized and honoured each and every day.
Having said that, I’ve been sharing information on Facebook about some seriously bad-ass women who through great bravery and sacrifice, made Canada a better place for women, for immigrants, for people of colour. They are truly remarkable and deserve every bit of recognition they get. In fact, they deserve more! You can find those posts here if interested or just follow this blog because I’m going to share them here in future writings — probably a little more in-depth!
But I think it’s important to recognize and acknowledge all women – those who made and are making history in a very public way, those who are quietly working on themselves and in that way, creating stronger pathways for those who follow and those who struggle to find their voice and their place in this world.
I stand – we all stand – on the shoulders of all the women in our lineage. Some of those women were strong enough to push back on expectations placed upon them. Some were not. Some compromised in some areas and refused in other areas. When it comes to my lineage, I’m thinking specifically of my mom. I won’t go into the details of stories she has shared with me because she hasn’t given me permission to do so, but in those stories included times when she conformed to expectations (and was saddened by it) and times she refused to conform and that brought its own pain too.
My mom is a complex woman. We all are. We have areas where we will not bend and others where it’s easier to just accept. And that looks different for everyone. In some ways, we do ourselves a disservice by only focusing on the strength, on the resolve and not on the humanness of the strong women we look up to. When we focus only on the strength and the result, that can make us feel “less than” when our fight isn’t as strong or as loud.
We are all different. Every time we make a choice, no matter how small, to be true to ourselves, to fight an injustice, to try and right a wrong, we earn the right to join the women who have done, and are doing, the same thing in their own way and time.
I think too, of the women before us, whose shoulders we also stand on, that didn’t or couldn’t find it in themselves to stand up. Their flame was put out, they felt crushed beneath the expectations of others. Their wisdom and knowledge, their hurt and pain, is also a part of the history I stand on, we all stand on, and I like to think, they are also encouraging us to be strong because they know the pain that comes with giving in.
I spent many, many years trying to be acceptable, to be approved of. I tried to be the person I thought others wanted me to be. And yet, looking back, I also see times where I said “Fuck it. This is what I want for me. This is what I believe to be true.”
I’m saying that more and more now. It’s usually said in spaces I know are safe, but each time I say it, my voice shakes a little less. In some ways I’m still trying to separate what I’ve been taught, what I simply accepted as true, from what I really, truly believe. I have thrown some old beliefs away, knowing they no longer hold any truth for me. Some beliefs I am questioning and still navigating. I am sure that more will come up. And as was mentioned in the meditation this morning that inspired this post, while I take the torch from those who came before and to honour their history, it is my responsibility to use that torch to light my own path.
I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m excited at this journey of still becoming. I hope you are too!
So here’s to all of it — the loud bravery and the quiet kind, the women who pushed back and the ones who couldn’t, the beliefs we’re still sorting through and the voice that shakes a little less each time. That’s the whole, messy, beautiful story. And every bit of it matters. Happy International Women’s Day!