For years, I didn’t believe I was creative. I’m really not sure where that came from because there is evidence that proves otherwise.
I can’t remember which grade I was in – probably grade four or five – when I won the “Best Halloween story” in my class. And then in grade 11 or 12, my teacher suggested I submit a short story I wrote for a class assignment into a provincial high school writing competition. I was the third place finisher. But I didn’t actually fully appreciate that recognition. I compared my story to the stories written by other students in Manitoba and other provinces, and found mine lacking.
When I was away from home for a year after graduating high school, I drew and coloured a picture for my dad for Fathers Day. He loved it and kept it for years. I never wanted him to show it to anyone because I was embarrassed at the quality of my work.
One year, I made everyone’s Christmas presents. I’ve renovated and redecorated so many times.
And yet, if someone mentioned me and creativity in the same sentence, I’d deny it.
Perhaps it’s because I held my creative endeavours to a really high standard. If it wasn’t at the same level as those with more talent or years more practice than I had, it meant I wasn’t really creative. If my work was inspired by others or used a pattern, then it didn’t count. If it wasn’t “art” then it didn’t count .. and my definition of art was pretty narrow.
This is one narrative that I’m pushing back on and I’m expanding my definition of what “creative” is. I’m allowing my creative output to be rough, unpolished, perhaps even juvenile without discounting the process. I’m trying new things and perhaps more importantly, connecting with people who create in many different ways.
Recently, I attended a “Broken Crayons” workshop, designed to challenge participants to acknowledge the creativity we all possess. The leader reminded us that we were created to create. To be with other women who are open to exploration, who lift each other up and who are comfortable with getting uncomfortable was a powerful start to my day.
I don’t know where this new adventure will lead, but I do know that reconnecting and embracing creativity will make the journey exciting and open my eyes and spirit to as yet unseen wonders.