The Art of Handling Complaints with Grace

handsome manThe one thing everyone in the service industry can be 100% sure of is that at some point, a customer will be unhappy, disappointed and perhaps even angry.

Sometimes a customer’s complaint is justified.  Mistakes happen.  Other times, the customer is wrong and the reason for their disappointment or anger is not because of anything we failed to do or not do.

Regardless of the validity of the customer’s complaint or criticism, it is our choice to respond defensively or with grace.

Here are four defensive responses many of us instinctively turn to.

  1. Making excuses: This is acknowledging that something may be wrong and then putting the blame on someone else. For example:  Front desk shouldn’t have told you we had microwaves in the room.
  2. Cross complaining: Cross complaining is deflecting responsibility on the person complaining. For example:  If you had told us there was a problem with the heating, we could have given you another room.
  3. Yes-Butting: This is where we pretend to agree, and then with one simple “but” we demonstrate we really don’t agree.  For example: Free parking is nice, but our hotel charges a $10 fee per day.
  4. Closed body language: A poker face, crossed arms, clenched jaw, shifting from side to side or avoiding eye contact says “I don’t hear you” even if you’re using all the right words.

The problem is that when we respond defensively, we invalidate the thoughts, frustration or anger the other person is feeling, and when we do that, we are saying “I don’t hear you.” This very often leads to the unhappy customer saying it again, but this time more loudly. So we get more defensive, they get louder, we get more defensive, and so on and so on and so on.  It’s an ugly cycle that nobody wins.

Customers very seldom care about the “why”. They don’t care who made the mistake or who is to blame. They want their feelings to be validated, they want someone to listen to them and they want a solution to their problem.

So what’s the solution? What can we do to handle complaints with grace?  Below are eight steps to help manage an unhappy or irate customer.

  1. The first and most important step is to take a step back from ego. Don’t take the complaint or criticism personally, even if the person complaining makes it sound personal, with the use of the word “you”.  Taking a step back from ego also gets you out of judgment mode.
  2. Acknowledge / empathize with their emotion. By simply acknowledging the frustration or disappointment behind the customer’s words and behaviours, you are saying “I hear you and I understand you.” That is powerful.
  3. Find the truth in their statement. Very few complaints are based on complete fiction. Sometimes, the truth may simply be acknowledging their emotion. 
  4. Apologize. Complaining customers want an apology but don’t necessarily expect one.  A sincere “I’m sorry” is unexpected and appreciated.
  5. Listen mindfully. Focus on the here and now.  Ignore your need to react away. Focus on listening. Remind yourself that listening to what someone else says is not the same as accepting it or agreeing with it. You can respond later, remembering that the better you listen now, the more you understand, and the better equipped you will be to respond productively.
  6. Offer possible solutions or compromises. If you can offer more than one option, do it.  Customers like choice.  Sometimes there is only one potential solution or compromise.  One is better than none.  Don’t be upset if they aren’t loving option B or C (that’s back to letting go of ego.)  Remember, B or C is not their first option. You already failed on delivering that.
  7. Show appreciation. Thank the customer for sharing their complaint. Thanking the complaining customer is really saying “thank you for giving me the opportunity to fix this for you and for us to become even better than we already are.”
  8. Respond, don’t react: Responding demonstrates careful thought and control over your emotions and your words.  Reacting demonstrates an instinctive, impulsive behaviour.

Feelings of defensiveness are instinctive when faced with an unhappy or angry customer.  We want to defend ourselves and our company.  However, if the end goal is to build long-term relationships with our customers, the ability to respond with grace is an essential skill.

What are some things you do to stay calm and professional?

Cutting cranky people some slack

Have you ever had one of those days?  You’re mad at yourself because you waited a little too long to start on a project.  You’re mad at yourself because you thought you left yourself plenty of time to get to the next meeting.  You were wrong.  You’re mad at yourself because you simply cannot figure out how to get the stupid #@*^& working.

So, you snap at the first person unfortunate enough to cross your path. You find a reason to lay blame on pretty much everyone but yourself for the pickle you’ve managed to get into. And because you really are a fairly enlightened person, you know you are over-reacting and what you should be doing is stopping, taking a deep breath, owning your role and figuring out a way to get out of the pickle. Then, because you’re reacting inappropriately, you start beating yourself up about that  too, the mood worsens and the second person unfortunate enough to cross your path gets it even worse than the first person.

Or is it just me that this happens to sometimes?

I had one of those days yesterday.  More things seemed to go wrong than right.  And the more I tried to fix, to rush, to figure it out, the more frustrated and cranky I became.

Fortunately, I work from a home office. There are not a lot of people to share my really bad mood with!  And fortunately for me, those days really don’t happen very often.  I do know that I get impatient too quickly and have learned to recognize the signs that tell me  it’s time to stop, step back, take a breath and get a grip!

This post isn’t about what you do to handle those stressful days.  (You can read some suggestions here and here.) This is about recognizing that when you are the unfortunate person who happens to cross paths with someone who is having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day and unfairly decides to take their frustration out on you, don’t respond in kind!

Instead, remember, you’ve had bad days too.  See if there is anything you can do to help out.  If that doesn’t work, back away slowly, give the cranky person some extra room and when they calm down and get back to neutral, don’t hold their cranky mood against them.

We’ve all been there. We’ve all reacted badly.  I am so thankful for the wonderful people in my life who don’t hold my less-than-stellar moments against me.  Thanks to all of you!